Hi Everyone. Please help me welcome Dana Littlejohn to AsianCocoa's Secret Garden today! Dana's new novel The Seven Year Switch was released in November of 2011. Dana is going to talk about how to make a D/s marriage work.
Hello everyone!
I am Dana Littlejohn, multi-published author of sensual erotic romance. For this blog I am going to focus on making D/s work in your marriage.
The first question you may ask is: What kind of man would let his wife run him and everything else about their relationship? He must be a weak, a punk, a pussy or just plain crazy. Well, you would be wrong on all accounts. Just because you prefer your woman to be in control doesn’t make you any of that. Instead of those terms, how about, best person for the job. It is a major misconception to mistake meekness for weakness. Surely if women who like to be controlled by their man exist consequently there has to be men who enjoy that as well. You know, balance in the universe and all that.
The real question is, how do you even start the conversation to incorporate these things into what you already have going on? I mean really, your man didn’t just wake up one morning and say decided he was just over it and wanted you to handle everything. You have to know that he has always wanted it. He married you because he knew deep down that you could handle it if he ever got the gumption to say something.
He has worn his dominant mask for you and society’s sake, but he yearns to bow at your feet and rest his head in your lap at the end of the day. His soul cries out for it and yet he cannot voice it to the person closest to him for fear of rejection. The unfortunate side is his fear his aptly based. A lot of women leave their husbands when they find out he wants her to dominate him. Most women find out by accident that their husbands want to be dominated, usually during role playing games. He will continuously throw hints out to her saying things like ‘I wish we could do this more or when can we do this again? I love when we play these games’ in hopes she will hear his heart’s desire. Another common sign that your man wishes a more subservient position to you is that even outside of that time period he continues to play the role. He wants to delay the time when your roles are reverted back to him being in control.
In order for the marriage to work once his secret is out the wife must be totally committed to the new relationship. Once you realize this is what he really wants and you’ve said you will stay and give it to him there is no going back. D/s in your marriage is a life style, not a game. Things will absolutely be different then it was before, but different doesn’t mean bad. You and your husband will go through a transition period in which lots of conversations will take place and you will play with a lot of trial and error to see what works for the two of you. You will have to call upon the skills you have learned throughout your marriage to get through it.
Positive reinforcements are an excellent way to keep your man on track. Penalties must be real in order to deter him from breaking the rules that you have put into place for him. That may sound a bit harsh, but correction helps us all to grow, know where our boundary lines are and is necessary in the beginning. If not, you will find that he will look for ways to break rules just to test you to see if you’re serious about you’re new commitment. That will only cause frustration and friction in your relationship. Spanking is not the only corrective action used, but it is a popular reprimand in D/s couplings especially in association with other deterrents.
That is precisely why the long in-depth conversations must take place at the start. He has to be completely forthwith with his desires so that you know what is required of you. It cuts back on any misunderstandings the two of you may have later when one of you says something and it means one thing to you and another to him.
Introducing new elements into an already established relationship like spanking and domination isn’t rocket science, but it does take a great degree of patience, open mindedness, trust and complete honesty. Remember, making each other happy is the goal in any successful relationship. Ask him what is needed to make that happen and then ask yourself. Ultimate pleasure is the reward.
Thanks for having me AsianCocoa! I enjoyed my time with you. If you are interested, I have two books about married couples who have incorporated BDSM elements into their relationships:
The Seven Year Switch http://museituppublishing.com/erotica
Home with The Jones- http://store.secretcravingspublishing.com
by Dana Littlejohn
Release Date: November 27, 2011
Could you make the switch from dutiful, submissive wife to paddle wielding queen bee to save your marriage?
Sonja Winters was enjoying the good life with a great job and being married to the man of her dreams. As she prepared to celebrate their seven year anniversary she came across a secret that her husband had been keeping from her that would alter the course of their marriage forever.
Excerpt
“Submissive men will always seek strong women because they are in need of her guidance,” Bianca said continuing her explanation.
Bianca’s voice was in an audible octave, not at all a whisper for Sonja’s benefit or to spare the feelings of the men. Sonja sipped her drink and sent a quick glance toward them. To her surprise, they stood at perfect attention, staring straight ahead showing no signs of emotion at all to what Bianca just said.
“Yes, well, I wouldn’t know that, Bianca. My husband is not a submissive man.”
“No disrespect to what you think you know, Sonja, but I beg to differ. Kyle is, in fact, a submissive man. He is what I call an alpha submissive. At work he can be very dominate and extremely aggressive when it comes to other men, but with a woman he has the desire to be humble and subservient.”
Sonja crossed her legs and turned her body toward her adversary. “Look, you must have my husband confused with another one of your men,” she sent a pertinent wave in the men’s direction, “because I know my husband. Kyle and I have been together for—“
“You have been together for the last ten years. You met while you were still in college. Kyle’s company was doing a project on your campus. He bumped into you, and you guys have been together ever since. Since then, you have graduated and have become a successful lawyer. You and Kyle were married October fourteenth, and yesterday made your seventh year anniversary. You have no children, but you want at least two, and a dog. You are leaning toward the Jack Russell breed because you want a smart dog that will not out-grow the child physically.”
Sonja’s eyes widened as she raised the cup to her mouth.
“Have I left anything out?”
Get yours at Muse it Hot
Author Bio -
Dana Littlejohn was born and raised in Brooklyn, New York, but has called Indianapolis, In. her home for over ten years. She has always wanted to write since early childhood, but put that wish on hold to raise her growing family and have a career. With the encouragement of her husband, Dana picked up her pen again in 2003 and has no intention on putting it down. With 3 novels, 8 novellas, 4 stories in anthologies, 42 short stories published to date and a long list of wips (works in progress) she is literally living her dream. Join her on the wild journey through her imagination. It’s a ride you’ll never forget!
Website: www.danalittlejohn.net
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Sounds like a very good read. Please enter me in contest. Tore923@aol.com
ReplyDelete"Alpha submissive" is a new term for me...but I haven't read any BDSM and don't really know anything about that world. I do, however, believe that whatever a committed, consenting adult couple mutually agree to do to improve their relationship is a good thing. I'm not sure that I would be as open-minded and patient as Sonja if I found out my husband had such secret desires...but I'm glad to see that the novel features a committed, married couple.
ReplyDeletecatherinelee100 at gmail dot com